Sunday, August 24, 2008

Thinkers and Feelers

I’ve been 10 years being a wife, and everyday of my life I learn something. I felt there’s a different way of thinking between me and my husband. Sometimes it could be the source of conflict but sometimes it enriches our relationship. I feel that maintaining our marriage is just like an art, art of thinking and feeling.

These are two lists that summarize some of the more significant differences between me and my husband’s ways of making decisions. He is a thinker, while I am a feeler. As you read through each list, you will probably see some statements in both lists that describe you.


v Decide with the head

v Decide by linear logic

v Concerned with truth and justice

v Need to understand emotions before they experience them

v More firm-minded

v Experience life as on-looker from outside a situation

v Take a long view

v Spontaneously find flaws and criticize

v Can speak the truth but not always in love

v Want to understand intimacy

v Can be a “romantic” yet not be romantic

v Natural at analyzing plans

v May have the gift of justice

v See things in black and white


* Decide with the heart

* Decide by personal convictions

* Concerned with relationship and harmony

* Need to experience emotions before they understand them

* More gentle-hearted

* Experience life as a participant, from inside a situation

* Take an immediate and personal view

* Spontaneously appreciate and praise

* Can have difficulty speaking the truth if it might hurt someone’s feeling

* Want to experience intimacy

* Love courtship and romance

* Natural at understanding people

* May have the gift of mercy

* See a lot of gray areas

Have you found that one list feels much more like “home base” for you?

Source:How to Bring Out the Best In your Spouse by H Norman Wright & Gary J Oliver, Ph.D